Friday, April 22, 2011

A Benefit

Trust: deserved, earned, a benefit.

Trust is a big deal to me. It has been something that has been a big part of my life ever since I was a kid and my parents were divorced. Trust is when you put your full faith in someone, you rely on them, its a responsibility, and a truth. When my parents got divorced I had to instill trust in my dad that he wouldn't walk out on me like my mom did. I had to put my full faith in the situation and believe that he would raise me in a healthy manner. I also had to trust my mom somehow. When she would say that I would see her on the weekend and whatnot, I trusted her that it would happen. When it didn't...I lost hope.

Trust comes from the heart, I believe. When you trust someone, you don't have to worry. And when you have a little bit of a lack of trust in someone, you give them the benefit of the doubt.

The benefit of the doubt...

It's a hard thing to actually give and believe. When you give someone the benefit of the's because they didn't live up to expectations, and you are letting them have a potential excuse for their lacking. But...what if there is no excuse? What if there is no real reasoning? What if constantly you give someone the benefit of the doubt, yet they continually come up short. Do you not trust them any more? Do you let them make up false excuses? What's the next step.

I think it's losing trust and hope. I believe there comes a point when you simply can't trust someone any more. There has to be a time when you say enough is enough. When I said trust comes from the heart, I meant it. When someone goes against your hurts inside right? It's hard to believe, it's hard to accept, and you don't like the feeling. And now that you have that lack of's easier to worry...constantly worry about things...whether it's a person, situation, a material object, a job...whatever. You worry. But then I think there comes a point when you have to not worry.

Losing trust makes you worry. Worrying makes you stressed. Stress is unhealthy in large doses. So, don't stress...which means you have to stop worrying...which means you have to stop losing trust...which means you have to stop trusting to begin with.

I may sound bitter...and I might be bitter. I may sound harsh or thick skinned...and maybe I am. But trust is earned, trust is something that can be deserved...but trust is a benefit too.

I'm not dumb. really. Don't give me reasons to not trust you, friends.

I'll trust you, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, and I'll worry for awhile when I can trust you...but there comes a time when enough is enough, and trust is long gone.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Growing Up

So it's official; there are exactly 2 weeks left at High Point University for me this year. My sophomore year is coming to a close and I am now halfway done with college. It's time to really start growing up. But what is growing up anyway? I think I've began to figure it out, but of course how would I even know if I'm not even there yet.

But here's what I believe growing up is:

- Realizing you're in college for education. You're there to prepare yourself for your future career, not for every little formal and social event.
- Taking responsibility for your actions and learning to be a mature adult
- Swallowing your pride and realizing the world doesn't revolve around you
- Maybe moving a little off campus to become more independent
- Managing your time and prioritizing
- Having a job, managing your money, and not asking mommy and daddy for money all the time
- Being able to take care of yourself and your belongings without being told to
- And a whole lot more.

Growing up is hard. It's been one of those things I think about a lot. I walk around campus and I see people and I hear stories...and I'm sickened sometimes. Some people are incredibly immature and just "don't get it", if you know what I mean. I know I'm more mature than they are...but it also lets me know that I still have a ways to go.

I'm at a point where I know I need to really make some decisions. I need to really focus on my major and my future. I have to fully commit to acting, dancing, and singing for the next two years so that I can learn as much as I can. I need to start being more responsible with money and save it for emergencies. I need to start letting go of people in my life who only hold me back. I have to really prioritize and make time for everything. There's a lot that I need to do. I'm unprepared for now.

I know that there is no way I could fend for myself or make it own my own if I weren't in school right now. Not even that. If i went to a bigger state school I probably wouldn't be doing that great. It's sad, and I need to step up. But, I know it doesn't happen over's a learning and growing process and it will eventually happen over time.

So here's to growing up.